“Not good” I think to myself.
My hands keep shaking from my own nervous anxiety flaring up at the thought of recent events. Yet I must keep them on the wheel. One wrong move and I may never see tomorrow. Trying to think faster than my car is moving, I adjust my velocity and make my way to park in the residential area parking of the public boardwalk by the beach.
“Breathe slowly” I say aloud to myself.
The words don’t quite make it to my brain as I had already begun hyperventilating. Deciding best to not stay in the warm comfiness of the car, I slowly get out as much as able without shaking so much. The twenty degree weather hits me however and I notice without a jacket I’d just be as cold as every other person on the walkway.
I sighed in partial relief. My heart refuses to slow its pace but I can atleast hide in plain sight now. Walking on top of the pavement towards the rocky cliff, I place my hands in the pocket of my hoodie and try to carefully place a step on each stone so as to not slip and fall. Slowly, I walk down towards the edge of the rocky edge where I’d stay out of view. There I sat, deciding what to do next.
Yet nothing came to mind…….
I let my legs dangle at the mere 3 foot drop watching the ocean slowly eat away at stones below my feet. Keeping my hands in my pocket, I grasp my scrunchie searching for the charm to hold tight. And there I sat as I watched the water engulf the stone below me until it was hidden under the cloudy salt water. Perhaps in anticipation of tears, I raise my hands and place them above my breasts. Shutting my eyes, I let the wind flow around letting the sensation distract me from my thoughts.