A Choice

Hey guys! Happy Friday. Hope you enjoy it. Last week it was about love, today is going a differnt route. Let me know what you think about it.

I didn’t have to, but I wanted too.

Whenever I look at him all my anixety goes away. My stress and depression vanish as if I never had them. All the pressure I’m dealing blew with the wind the moment I felt the warmth from our hugs.

I didn’t have to, but I wanted too.

The first time I saw you, you were leaning against the wall in the room, talking to your friends. I didn’t say much because I was nervous. But as time past you came over often and I’ve grown to be comfortable around you. We exchanged contact information and we would talk almost every day and late at night. We told each other what we liked and what we disliked. I remember when I told you my favorite things, you asked how was I single? Truth is I liked you the moment saw you. But I never told you that. It was a secret until that night.

We went to a party and I was drunk. To be honest I don’t remember much from that night. That’s when you asked if I wanted to go get something to eat and I said sure. You picked me up and we went. During the drive you asked me if I remembered anything and I said no. That’s when you told what happened. We talked and then we kissed. Apparently my drunk self told him I like him. I was embarrassed by the news and I thought you were going to say you like me only as a friend. I waited. But it didn’t happen.

You said you liked me too. I sat there in shock. After we ate, you dropped me home not before giving me a kiss on the lips. From that moment I felt happy. But I didn’t know what a roller coster it was going to be.

I didn’t have to, but I wanted too.

There were times I felt you were losing interest in me. But I didn’t say anything. When the doubts came in my head a simple kiss on my forehead wiped the doubt away. When I was upset, you made me smile when you brought me food.

Months went on and so did we. There were times we were off and on. We questioned what were we. It wasn’t friends, it wasn’t friends with benefits and yet we weren’t a couple. So the true question was, what were we? You say it’s more than friends with benefits but we’re not a couple. It puzzled me for days, weeks even!

When I asked my best friend she was confused by the question. There were times you hurt me so bad I never knew I could feel a heartbreak like that. You told me that you fucked up and you took responsibility. You admitted instead of lying to me so I forgave you.

I didn’t have to, but I wanted too.

From there we rebuild something again, this time it was stronger. Sure we had little disagreements here and there but at the end of the day we talked about it and resolved it. Soon I did something that hurt you. I remember you were so upset and all I could do was apologize. Around Halloween you forgave me but we weren’t the same. In my bones I knew we weren’t the same.

Moving to the new year more things happened and I thought why was I in this emotional distress? There were nights my friend would stay up with me to comfort me when I was crying myself to sleep. As much as I wanted to let you go, I couldn’t do it.

I didn’t have to, but I wanted too.

Annoyed of always feeling this way I made the decision to let you go. You asked me if I was sure and I said yes. Watching you leave brought me tears as you walked out the door. I grieved when I wanted to call you to come back. I wanted to be your arms again and forget about what I said. But I knew it was meant to be. If I continued to stay I would crumble. My heart can only take so much before the walls come up. It’s better this way. I should be happy… so how come I wasn’t?

I didn’t want to but it’s done.

Now looking back at what we been through it was a lesson I will never forget. You will always be my first love. Although I’m hurting, I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone who will bring you love and joy. And one more thing…

Thank you.